Thursday, January 19, 2012

Don't fuel the beast!

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back person.  Most people who REALLY know me, know that I tend not to get too worked up over much.  I'm usually a "let the chips fall as they may" type of person.  Sure I bitch about work, EVERYDAY of my life.  I feel under compensated and under appreciated.  But really, who doesn't?  I complain about driving and people on the road, because I do have a road rage problem.  And sometimes the combo of a hellish day at work and the almost hour long, curse filled, bird flipping, commute home is enough to make me want to wrap my car around a telephone pole.  Nothing ever goes my way, I have to make more phone calls and send more emails to customer service for almost every utility and service I subscribe to.  (example:  When I was 5 months pregnant, I was pulled over for nothing on my way to work one day.  After giving the officer my license and registration, he comes back and tells me that he is very sorry but my car will have to be towed for lack of registration.  I said, No my car is definitely registered.  He asked if I possibly didn't pay my insurance and they cancelled my registration.  I told him no, the payment comes out of my checking account automatically every month, there must be some error.  He checks again and comes back and tells me the same thing.  So my car gets towed.  The nice officer gave me a ride to work in the back of his cruiser and dropped me off away from the front door as to not embarrass me.  So I get in and immediately get on the phone with Progressive, who I had changed over to about 4 months earlier.  Come to find out, since Progressive was new to Massachusetts, they didn't know they had to file a particular form with the DMV for my policy.  So since the DMV never received said form, they cancelled my registration.  I never received anything from the DMV saying the registration was cancelled.  Oh wait!!  In the mean time, while on the work phone with Progressive, my husband calls me to tell me that our checking account is overdrawn.  I said, it shouldn't be.  We had "x" amount in there yesterday.  He starts rattling off all of these charges.  I go online and check the account and find that someone has stolen my debit card number and went on a little shopping spree for clothes, shoes and even an membership.  So now I have NO damn money and my car was towed and I have no funds to get it out.  But before I can even worry about the money, I need Progressive to file whatever form with the DMV to reinstate my registration.  Then make calls to the bank to alert them of the fraudulent activity.  I ended up having to borrow money from my mother in law and taking time off from work, yadda yadda yadda.  No one would own up to being responsible, Progressive blamed the DMV and the DMV blamed Progressive and I got totally screwed.  I suppose if I had the energy I could've fought both the insurance company and the DMV, because they both screwed up.  And as I type this I am thinking that Progressive should've credited me for the 4 months of insurance I paid for but I obviously wasn't really covered.  But I had so much on my mind.  How were we going to survive with ZERO dollars until payday over a week away?  I was vigilantly watching my bank account for more fraudulent charges.  Making arrangements with my bills that are on auto pay, since I had no money to pay them.  It was a nightmare of a situation.  But seriously, this is how it typically goes for us, haha!  When it rains there is a shitstorm.   Even though I have the worst luck EVER, I am thankful for all that I have and I know that I have nothing to be pissy about.

I know from my many trials and tribulations throughout my life that the majority of stuff that stresses me out is usually nothing.  It is momentary stress.  Here now, gone later.  I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and I find comedy in almost everything.  I suppose I should be ashamed of some of the things I find hysterical, but like Popeye - I ams what I am.  Haha!  If I didn't laugh so much I would probably hurt someone.  I COMPLAIN - a lot, but it isn't really complaining.  It is simply ranting about things that I find absurd.  Maybe something to spark a little convo on Facebook with my fellow cynics.  Not anything that keeps me up at night stressing.  How is my tossing and turning all night long, losing sleep going to change something that happened earlier?  It's NOT!  In my opinion, if the things I have gone though in my life have not pushed me over the edge I'm pretty sure nothing will.  I have dealt with losing my father at the age of 7, other childhood trauma (I will not get into now or possibly ever), domestic violence, single parenthood, deranged deadbeat dad, cheating boyfriends, financial woes, botched surgery, depression, extended hospitalization (in another country away from my family), talks of possible amputation, lengthy rehabilitation, runaway troubled teen, blah blah...shall I go on?!  Anyway, I try my hardest to stay light about most things in life. I try not to get too worked up over anything negative.  I believe that when you react to negativity you are just fueling the beast.

I would be a lie if I told you I somehow magically deflect stressful situation from my life.  I do get mad.  Sometimes I am pretty sure steam shoots out of my ears and flames from my eye sockets.  But I don't let it ruin my entire day or life.  I have a pretty awesome skill of only directing my anger, hostility and/or bitchiness on those that caused the attitude to begin with.  I am perfectly normal with everyone else.  Why should they feel my wrath??  But in general, even the person who stressed me out will only see me stressed THAT day.  I refuse to dwell on the petty BS on my own time.  I have so little time with my family and even less to myself.  I'll be damned if I spend that time harboring ill feelings and emotions from some ass from earlier in the day.  As far as I am concerned, it's over and done with.  I'm not thinking about it anymore.  I am enjoying my time, right here in the now, and tomorrow is another day.

I do not have all the answers and I hope I don't come across as sounding like I think I do.  I just hear so many of my friends talk about how stressed they are all the time and most of them have very minimal things to be stressed about.  I know that everyone handles stress in their own way, but I often feel that their lives are a walk in the park in comparison to mine.  I just want to tell everyone to get over it.  Have a glass of wine, hug your kids, make love to your husband (great stress reliever!), write in a journal, call a friend, but most importantly GET OVER IT!!!  CHEER UP, BUTTERCUP, LIFE GOES ON AND TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER IF YOU ALLOW IT TO BE :)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Grow up, Facebookers!

I am a bit of a Facebook junkie.  I am pretty much logged in all day everyday - even if I am not actively doing anything in it.  I have found FB to be great for many reasons.  I have happily reconnected with many people, one of which was my neighbor when we were kids and we hadn't seen or heard from each other in over 20 years.  We amazingly picked up right where we left off all those years ago :) I have quickly sold a few unwanted items though FB that I had previously listed on Craigslist with no bites.  I keep my out of state family and friends up to date on the growth of my son through pics, videos and funny stories.  I learn about new music and see what artists friends are currently working on.... oh and I almost forgot, Words With Friends!!!  Enough said, right?!  haha!  I think that FB is wonderful.  But there are some things that people do on FB that befuddle me.

  1. Facebook balls.  I don't understand it.  I will share a (hopefully) quick story.  One day I received a friend request from this woman (who shall remain nameless).  When I saw the request, I was like, "Oh hell no" and immediately declined.  About two days later, I receive this mile long inbox message from her.  She basically told me in the email how she had been wanting to confront me for years but regrettably hadn't and she felt now that FB was the perfect platform for her to do so.  I won't get into what our cyber beef was about, but I will tell you that this beef (that I wasn't aware we even had) goes back over 15 years!  You're telling me that you have wanted to confront me about something you felt so passionate about for over 15 years but hadn't?  You knew where I worked, where I lived, even had my phone number but you felt that contacting me 15+ years later through a social media network best suited you.  Hmmm??  Don't get me wrong, I am not a fighter.  But I also don't believe in trying to threaten, belittle or bully someone behind the safety of your computer screen.  If you have something to say, say it - with your mouth to the person - oh and when it is relevant, haha!  
  2. Airing Dirty Laundry.  I have a few friends who put so much embarrassing, demeaning, personal information on Facebook.  WHY?!  "This dude thinks he can just treat me like sh%t.  I know what he did with my sister, so if he thinks I don't, here is a message for you (insert name here) - put your glasses on and read this!  I know what you did in MY bed with MY sister while I was at work."  Or "I found a crackpipe in my husband's sock drawer"  Facebook is not your therapist.  Facebook is not your friend.  Shoot, sadly most of the "friends" everyone has on FB aren't even your friends!  When you put this stuff out there for everyone to read most people are either: a.) amazed that you put yourself out there like that for everyone to see.  b.) laughing at you.  c.) being entertained by your soap opera and eagerly awaiting the next episode (which without fail always airs) d.) gossiping about what you just wrote or e.) all of the above.  I think that some of them post like this thinking that they are making the person who wronged them look bad, but they aren't.  Sure they sound like a real jerk for what they just put you through...but we ALLLLLLL know that he does this to you on a weekly basis and you clearly allow it.  Just stop!  Either shut up and deal with the fact that this is the life you choose to subject yourself to OR leave him and move on. Either way, stop posting about how terrible you ALLOW people to treat you.  It makes you look foolish and weak and you are just setting yourself up for other manipulators and abusers to do the same to you.  You are obviously tolerant of such behavior.  And if a loved one has a drug problem, don't share that with all 1275 of your closest friends!  C'mon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Of course I have the option not to read, but let's be honest, I can't NOT read it.  It's like a bad car crash, it's horrible.  You know you should turn away but you just can't tear your eyes away from it.  
  3. Confessions of crushes/love.  Facebook is not the place to tell the girl you had Chorus with in 7th grade that you were madly in love with her via inbox message.  What is she supposed to say to that?  "Um, oh I had no um, how about those Celtics, huh?!" Or better yet, when you are "actual real life" friends with someone and they tell you in a chat message their true feelings for you.  AWKWARD!  That's when you say "someone's at my door, brb.".... and never come back and totally avoid them for the rest of your life.
  4. Flirting with other people when you are in a relationship or married.  Just wrong and plain stupid.  Most adults (should) know that whatever happens on FB will be brought to light.  There is no privacy on Facebook.  I have watched people's relationships end over a raunchy comment on a risque pic of someone who was not their wife.  Or even more stupid; accidentally posting an inappropriate message meant for someone's inbox but posting to their wall and your spouse sees it (along with everyone else).  If you want to be with other people why are you in a relationship?  Do your mate a favor and just be honest.  Break up if necessary and then feel free to flirt, comment etc. with no worries.  Spare your significant other the embarrassment of the world knowing you don't respect them.
  5. ALL CAPS and bad grammar.  DER IZ NUTTIN MOR AGGY DEN C'ING A STS WIT ALLLLLLL CAPZ N DAM NERRR NOT 1 CORRCKLY SPELT WURD N NO PUNKUASION IN SITE U JUSS READ IT OVA N OVA TRYNA FIGHURE IT OUT LIK ITZ A PUZZLE A SUMTHIN.  Ok, I seriously can't take typing like that anymore, haha!  That took me like 20 minutes.  So annoying.  I went to school with these people.  I know that they have a somewhat better education than this.  Why are you typing like that?  I will just assume that your Caps lock button is broken, but what is the excuse for spelling like that??  Is that cool?  Is that what the cool kids are doing??  STOP IT! (Yup, that was all caps!)
It's time for these people to grow up.  Use Facebook a little more intelligently.  Think about what you think when your friends post like this and make a vow to yourself to never do it.  Have fun, but use your head, folks.


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Plus Size style tips

Once upon a time, I was a svelte little thing.  I could go into any store and buy any article of clothing off of any rack.  I had no problems finding the latest fashions in my size.  I had the luxury of being picky with my selections.  I knew if one store didn't have something I absolutely loved I could just got to any other store in the mall and they would have something in my size that I adored.  I had a closet jam packed with trendy attire.  I often never wore an outfit more than a couple times a year, simply because I never kept up with laundry.  Even once it got washed, it would sit in laundry baskets in my laundry room - just waiting to be put away.  But it was never an issue, because I would just wear one of my other thousand outfits or just go out and buy myself more!

Well - those days are O-V-E-R!  I am overweight and I am plus size.  BIG MAMMA!  I stay away from the mall these days, because along with my mall rage (yes, that is similar to road rage, just not in a car), there just aren't many options at the mall for big girls.  Macy's, JC Penny, and Filenes all have plus sections, but they are very limited and usually very ugly.  Evidently, they feel that if you are chubby you must want to dress like a grandma.  I personally don't like Lane Bryant.  I mean, when you look at their clothes online and even on the rack, they look fashionable and all, but NOTHING in there fits me.  Maybe I have a weird body, I don't know.  But I've found that Lane Bryant apparently feels that if you are plus size that you must also be pushing 7 feet tall.  Even their "short" jeans are damn near a boob covering unitard on me.  I am on the shorter side at 5'4 - but come on.  They just aren't proportioned right.  The crotch should not be able to be pulled up so high that I can get the waist to rest on my tatas (and not hurt my lady business in the process).  In my early years of being a fatty, I found one pair of jeans at LB that was semi tolerable.  They were too long in the leg, so I had to cut the 6 inches of excess material off, but the crotch to waist ratio was pretty on point.  The main problem that I had with these jeans was that the waist was way too big.  I had to double the waist over in the back and put my belt on extra tight so that the world couldn't see my whole ass crack when ever I bent or sat down.  (Yeah, I'm part of this rare breed of females that doesn't like her ass crack on display, I know I'm weird.)  Anyway, even with these major flaws, these crappy ass jeans became my favorite pair.  How is that possible, you ask??  Well, when you spend hour after aggravating hour stomping around the mall and spending $45.00 for a pair of jeans that you can get over your ass and don't double as a full body denim bra, you just settle.  I believed that this is just how it is for me now that I am heavy.  This is as good as it gets.  For years I felt that way.  Then I gained more weight, one day I was trying to shove myself into my "favorite" jeans and when pulling them up, I used the belt loops for extra tug and I ripped them off!  haha!  These belt loops were essential to these jeans as I needed them to keep my bum from being exposed through the gaping pucker at the waist.  What was I to do?  I went back to LB to try and get my hands on another pair of these "perfect" ill fitting jeans.  After searching all over the store for them, a sales woman tells me that this style of LB jean had been discontinued.  WTF.  My only assumption was that all of the giants wrote and complained to LB that the minuscule crotch to waist ratio was a problem for them and LB complied with their demands and stopped making them.

My desperation led me to Walmart, Target, Marshalls, TJ Maxx and occasionally Old Navy.  Which surprisingly were all more "shorter plus size woman" friendly.  Target is more hit or miss, but I have found a few pairs of work pants there that actually fit me, with no alterations (on clearance at that).  This is when I realized that just because you are plus size that does not mean that your clothing should be ill fitting.  I decided to scour the web and see what I could find online.  I felt this was a risky move because I couldn't try the clothing on beforehand.  But in my experience, most places allow you to return for free if need be. actually has some REALLY good fitting jeans.  I was totally surprised.  A friend had told me about their new line of Curve ID jeans.  I was super excited.  I went on their site and unfortunately after taking their whole "FIND YOUR CURVE" survey, I found that I am considered a "Supreme Curve" but they didn't have those jeans in my size.  GRRRRRRRR. Ho hum... guess I am an Ultra Mega Curvy.  BUT they do have a plus size section and I have purchased a few pairs of jeans that fit GREAT!  I also found a few pairs of these same jeans at AJ Wright when they were going out of business for under $10.00. has AWESOME clothes!!  They have all sizes! And pretty much whatever you see in itty bitty sizes they have in plus size as well.  But please be aware, that just because something is made in your size, that does not mean it will look fab on you.  So make sure that you purchase what will compliment your figure. Dorothy Perkins is in the UK, so shipping is a little higher.  But they often have great sales and occasionally offer free shipping to the US. is another site I like.  I actually have not purchased anything from them, but I often pa-rouse their site and I see that they have a lot of trendy wear to offer plus size ladies. is a plus size line put out by the Limited.  I actually just stumbled upon this one today.  I cannot vouch for fit or timely delivery, haha!  But I like a lot of what I see on their site.  I also like that there is a shop by shape option.  You pick your body type and it will show you everything that will compliment your figure.  That is awesome!!

Here are some tips for the plus size woman:
  • Wear clothing that accentuates what you love and masks what you don't.
  • Avoid overly tight clothing - it is uncomfortable and unattractive.  It puts all of your dents, dimples and rolls on display and makes you look sloppy.
  • Avoid overly baggy clothing - it makes you look like you hate being a woman!  It is unattractive and makes you look heavier than you really are.  You have curves, that is a good thing.  Be proud that you are a woman and show off your curves in a classy not trashy way.
  • Wear underwear that FIT, people!  We all want to wear the cute little sexy panties, but let's face it, unless you want to be digging them out of your ass - that WILL be eating your undies all day, save those for the bedroom.  
  • Get fitted for a bra.  80% of American women wear the wrong size bra.  EIGHTY PERCENT!!   A correctly fitting bra makes a world of difference, not only in the way you feel but in the way you look and carry yourself.  
  • Cleavage is nice but c'mon ladies LESS is more!  Cover them bad Larries up a bit unless you want them on and popping for that special occasion or for your significant other.  Do NOT go to work with your ladies on display.  It is not a good look unless of course, you work in an environment where that is how you make your money, well then by all means, set the girls free and invite everyone to gawk
  • Accessorize!  Earrings, belts, necklaces, rings, scarves, shoes, boots, purses - you name it.  Accessories should compliment your ensemble, not take it over - so go easy on the number of accessories worn at one time.  Don't go overboard because that will look tacky.  
  • Wear one solid color from top to bottom - the effect is very slimming.  Add some color or sparkle with accessories, like a pair of big bold earrings, bracelets and some funky bright colored heels.
  • Wear simple patterns.  Think vertical stripes (never horizontal = wide).  
  • Do NOT wear animal prints unless on accessories.  Cheetah print clutch, bracelet or pumps, HOT!  Cheetah pants stretched across thunder thighs and lard ass, NOT! 
  • Learn what fabrics look nice on you.  Every fabric has a different drape.  I have read some plus size tips from "experts" and they say spandex is a good choice for plus size.  Um...I am no expert, but I will tell you the truth.  DO NOT WEAR ANY DAMN SPANDEX!  Big girls and spandex = a recipe for disaster!
  • If you have a bigger belly Do NOT wear low rise jeans, these just give you a very pronounced muffin top.  Try a higher waist jean that will conceal your belly. - Not "MOM jeans" but a mid rise.
  • EMPIRE WAIST LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!  In everything!  Dress and tops!  Never fails to create a leaner looking body!!  (see pics below)
  • A properly worn belt! (see pics below)
  • Most important, take the time to find what fits YOU.  The number on the inside of your pants, dress or shirt doesNOT matter.  You may wear an 16 in one pair of pants and a 20 in another.  It doesn't mean a damn thing.  The fit is what matters.   
This dress is very slimming due to the empire waist, but notice how adding the belt (pic2) creates an even more slimming effect.  It creates the illusion that your waist is much smaller, showing off bust and hips creating a sleeker sexier silhouette.

A belt worn high on an empire waistline will accentuate the bust line and draw the eye away from problem areas like a bigger tummy and hips. Pulling it up higher creates the illusion of a slim waistline which will lend to a nice curvaceous silhouette. Use a belt with an empire waist dress or skirt and shirt or over a tunic.

    Tuesday, January 3, 2012

    Spreading a little Blogger love

    A friend of mine recently started her own blog called Fabulously Frugal and I love it!  So I wanted to give her a quick shout out (Heyyyyyyyy Aris!) and leave a link to her site here.  She blogs about being fabulous on a budget.  Lots of tips on hair, makeup, shoes and anything else, well...fabulous.  Oh and recipes!  YUM!

    One of her first posts was about how her son loses or breaks his glasses all the time. She gave us the scoop on this great site called Zenni Optical. I placed my first order with them last week.  I bought two pairs of prescription glasses for my daughter for a total of $24.99 - that included shipping!  I will give my full review once we receive the order.

    She is always gorgeous and she is a great cook, so check it out and you too can be FABULOUSLY FRUGAL!

    Aunty M's New Year's Resolutions

    SO here we are, 2012!  2011 just flew by.  ALL of the years seem to just fly by.  I can't believe my first baby will be 18 years old this year and my little man will be 3 years old in just a couple days.  INSANE!  This past year made me realize just how much time and money I have wasted on stupid things over my 35 years.  Seeing how much my children have grown over the past couple years really makes me sad.  For a number of reasons.  But one of them is that I feel like I have missed out on so much of their lives by working full time and so far away from home... although there are days on the weekend when I shamefully beg for the peace and quiet of my office. 

    I have decided that my New Years Resolutions will consist of the following:
    1. Continue to eat Clean.
    2. Fit exercise in whenever I can, whether that be an actual 45 minute workout or simple doing squats while waiting for water to boil.
    3. Try to be more patient.
    4. Do more fun stuff with my kids. Just hanging out and being goofy.  Finding something that me and my 17 YO can do that does not require a hundred dollars, rolling around on the floor with my little what if I get covered in dog hair and my hair ends up a mess.
    5. Walk our dogs on a regular basis.  Maybe I can get up early and walk them?  Or perhaps a family walk with the doggies after dinner??
    6. Get my crafting business off the ground by doing the following:
      • Finalizing prices
      • Making business cards for my quilting and distributing 
      • Listing items on Etsy
      • Possibly working a craft fair
      • Managing my time more wisely to maximize production
    7. Encourage Hubby to sell some of his photography.
    8. Get my boy on a better schedule and out of our bed!
    9. Cut back on frivolous spending.
    10. Start organizing local park clean ups again.
    11. Explore more of New England.  We really do live in a cool part of the US but we often stay cooped up in our city.  There is so much to see and lots and lots of history.  One of the things I want to do is the "McIntire" walk in Salem, MA.  I found out a few years ago that Samuel McIntire is my great great great great great grandfather.  He is a legendary architect who built a lot of historic Salem. 
    I am sure there are lots more things I resolve to get done in 2012, I will add them as they come to me.

    I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and a Happy New Year!  Here's to a fantastic, healthy, happy and prosperous 2012!  Let's all make it the best it can be!

    Monday, January 2, 2012

    Boudoir Pics

    I realize that this blog may appear to be all over the place.  But it really isn't.  Everything that I post is all part of my personal discovery and growth.  Whether it be about diet, exercise of lack there of, a new product I love, food and recipes. crafts, or just how I am feeling on a particular day.

    We have been very productive fixing up our house over the past 4 days.  We had a leak in our bathroom that was destroying the downstairs tenants ceiling.  So our entire tub, shower and surround needed to be replaced.  Most importantly the leak is fixed but as a nice bonus we have a fresh clean brand new bathroom.  We have NEVER had a nice bathroom so this is uber exciting for us.  We bought a new shower curtain, bathmat, rug, a seagrass basket and some other cheap accessories to compliment and pretty up our new happy space.

    We also FINALLY hung some shelves and photos in our bedroom.  We have lived here for almost a decade, hahaah!  I guess we never wanted to hang up a bunch of stuff and then maybe change our mind on placement.  Or it could be that our room is inundated with doors and windows and not ONE solid wall.  Our bedroom is approximately 14x16 and there are 3 windows and 4 doors all framed with large ornate woodwork.  Oh and a big ass radiator...  Or it could be that all of the walls in this house seem to be studless and I have a tendency to bang a bunch of holes in the wall that won't support a simple picture frame and then cover all the holes up with said frame once I finally land a stud.  These holes are discovered when we decide to paint the room and the frame is removed and I get the "frigging women" look from the Hubby and I give him my "I'm just a girl" look.  LOL!  Anyway, we finally decorated our bedroom.  I don't know if I ever mentioned before that my hubby is a musician, artist and beautiful photographer.  I had been wanting to take some sexy boudoir style photos.  I had looked into having some professionally done and the price was just way too much for me to justify.  I understand the cost of the shoot, but if I can't afford it I can't afford it. So I asked my hubby if he would like to take some boudoir pics of me.  He said, "of course" ;)  So I got to work thinking about exactly what I wanted out of my shoot.  Outfit, hair, makeup, pose, etc.  I wanted sexy but not trashy.  I wanted photos that wouldn't embarrass me if company saw them.  I wanted pics that boosted my self esteem.

    In my mind, I was going to be fierce.  I was a sexy hell cat.  I was going to blow Hubby away with my sexiness.  I was going to blow MYSELF away when I saw these photos.  Bwahahahahaahah!  How wrong I was.  While I was getting ready, primping and adjusting and checking myself out in the mirror, my confidence was on high.  Making my pin-up pouty face and making sure my cleavage was just right.  Then when he came in with the camera, I was like a mousy little nerd... and not the sexy type.  I am THE WORST in front of the camera.  I historically hate my picture taken.  I used to hide under tables when I was kid when a camera would come out.  I warned him days before that I would need lots of direction.  I was trying to remember all of the instructions I had overheard Tyra Banks and Nigel Barker giving to models on America's Next Top Model over the years.  After looking at all the pics that he snapped of me, apparently the instructions that I heard in my head were, Austin Powers, "You're a tiger, baby, Grrrrrrr.  Now you're a lemur, be a lemur baby, yeah!"  All of the photos looked sort of the same. Either mad or confused or mad and confused.  Hahah!  I did not like any of them.  And it had nothing to do with my hubby's work ... it was the subject - ME!  Part of it was my lack of comfort in front of the camera, also knowing that one of my kids was going to bust into our room at any moment.  And as predicted our session was cut short by our 2 year old charging into our room that he had a bad dream.

    So a few weeks later, I decided I needed to have a few drinks beforehand.  I stopped at the liquor store one Friday night and informed my man when I got home from work that we are trying again tonight.  I CAN DO THIS!  So after a bottle and a half of wine, I was ready.  I prepared the room with candles and fresh sheets, Let's get it on.  This go around, the pics came out much better.  I was happy with quite a few of them.  So happy that I decided I wanted to print some of them, frame them and hang them in our bedroom!  Because I am impatient, I took the memory card to Walmart and printed some 8x10's and 5x7's.  This was the most nerve wracking experience EVER!!  First of all, I never see anyone I know in Walmart, but on this day, I bumped into FIVE people that I know.  I make it to the photo printing kiosk and I chose the one that I thought was most private.  I had never used these machines before.  Just so you know...there are not private whatsoever.  haha!  Once it loads your memory card, WITHOUT WARNING, all of your photos appear VERY LARGE on the screen.  I was not naked in this pics, but these weren't just pics taken with my kids at a park, haha!  I could feel how red my face was.  I just knew that someone was going to walk up behind me...even worse it would be someone I knew.  I would much rather it be a total stranger.  With lightening quick speed I chose the photos to print.  Then I sat there and waited and worried while they took forever to print.  It told me they should print within 2 minutes.  10 minutes later I am still standing there waiting.  A man who worked there came over a few times and asked me if I needed any help.  HELL NO, GET AWAY!!  Finally they printed.  I rushed and shoved them into an envelope and made my way to the front to check out and pay.  I got home and realized that I ordered and paid for four 8x10's but only had three.  AAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  OMG!  I can only assume that the damn machine ran out of photo paper and when it was refilled that this last scandalous pic of me is going to print out.  I was strangely comforted by the fact that the missing pic did not contain my face.

    I framed the pics and my honey and I admired our handiwork.  We did good!  haha!  I am not a hot little mama.  I have lots of weight to lose and lots of scars and physical flaws.  I am self conscience about certain parts of my body, but Hubby is aware of how I feel and made me look good.  It is all about angles and lighting.  And he has a great eye.   Booze definitely helped me relax and gave me the balls to be a little more daring/sexy.  I love the photos.  I look at them and say DAYUM, I look GOOD!  They were a definite self esteem booster and confidence lifter.  No matter what your size or what you look like, everyone is beautiful and I highly recommend that every woman has a beautiful photo of themselves in their possession.  Whether it be a daring boudoir photo or just a random casual shot.  Being able to look a picture of yourself and not have any complaints or condescending things to say about yourself is empowering.