Sometimes I feel like there just aren't enough hours in the day for me. Well, there are too many in my work day...but once I get home I feel like it is just time to go to bed and start my work day all over again. I hate feeling like all I do is go to work. I work about 45 minutes from home. I try to leave the house by 7:00am to make sure I arrive to work on time without rushing. My family is all still sleeping when I leave. I tip toe around trying not to wake them. I call home a couple times a day to talk to the hunny and my little man. But it kills me to be so far away from home.
I get out of work at 5pm and the commute home drives me a little insane. It's not so much that there is an abundance of traffic since I travel the opposite direction of the heavy traffic. It's not so much the distance, although I have experienced working in the same city I live and I miss it tremendously. My problem is a two-parter... All of the idiots on the road and my road rage. A good part of my commute is on a one lane (each direction) highway. This is TORTURE for me. All it takes is one frigging moron to clog up the flow of traffic. There is NO getting in the next lane and passing them...not that I haven't broken the law and passed "granny pants" when I see an opening in traffic on the opposite side. I don't want to be in a rush...I just always am, even when I have no place to be by a specific time. Something about driving and not being able to just step on the gas and go because of someone's stupidity really agitates me. I do not wish harm on anyone, but there have been countless times when I have said to myself, "there had BETTER be a damn accident up there". How shitty is that?!
I ride ass, honk my horn, flip the bird, scream (sometimes so hard that my throat hurts), call people (mostly elderly and women drivers) the most horrible names that I challenge the foulest mouth truck driver to possibly be more filthy. I have issues when in my car - alone. When someone else is in the car, the rage is still there but the situations are laughable. When my son is in the car, it is still there but I pretend it is not. I don't flip out, yell obscenities or make any of my numerous hand gestures. If it is just me and my daughter in the car, she now sees some of my "driving alone" behavior. It is still toned down quite a bit though. She truly believes me (and laughs uncontrollably) when we are driving through our neighborhood and I threaten these little punks that I will "smash your asses off" when they walk right off the sidewalk and in front of my car... while it is moving. I have to slam on the brakes to not hit them and then they cross the street taking their sweet time, skinny jeans hanging off their asses. I know they can't walk (or waddle) any faster because their pants would fall down.
I got a little side tracked just thinking about tomorrow's commute. Anyway, the point I was trying to make was simply, that my commute is stressful. By the time I get home it is just about 6pm. That is provided I don't have to stop at the store for anything or have any appointments. I get home and have to immediately start cooking dinner so we can eat by 6:45-7:00. Wolf down my food, wash the dishes, clean up any mess, try and get some play time in with my son. But lately I feel like all I do is yell at him after work. I am tired from working and cranky from driving home. Since the time change, I often have a headache when I get home from the oncoming headlights and in my rear view. Some nights they are migraines which leave me completely useless. All I can do is crawl into bed and hope to just fall asleep.
My hubby is home with the boy all day long and he does a great job with playing with him, teaching him new things and expanding his creativity. My man has the patience of Mother Theresa...and I simply do not. I envy it and I feel like the bitchy mom when I get home. My hubby does clean (more than he used to) but he does not cook. Not that he won't. He simply has little to no experience in the kitchen. He makes a slamming grilled cheese, and can grill the bajeezus out of some hot dogs...but as far as cooking a meal goes, it is all me. We have been utilizing the slow cooker more often and that is awesome. I either prepare everything the night before to just be tossed in or if it is simple, I have him do it all. There is nothing better than walking in the door after work and smelling dinner all cooked. Knowing all I have to do is hang up my coat and grab a bowl and I will be chowing down :p... <---- that's drool, ha! But on the days when we don't slow cook, I am in the kitchen as soon as I get home from work. My son is almost three and quite the handful. Getting into everything, running into walls (on purpose), coloring on doors and window sills, (Whoever invented washable crayons and markers should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize). You want the boy to be quiet...but typically if he is quiet he is getting into something he shouldn't be. As much as I can't stand the screeching and jumping off the couch pretending he is Spiderman or Ironman at least I know exactly what is going on in the other room. I try to confine him to the kitchen table with crayons or some other project that will occupy him quietly for the next 1/2 hour but he usually wiggles away after about 5 minutes and is creeping around the stove. Then I have to lock him in the living room behind the gate. I feel rushed and stressed and crabby... and mean. I know that Daddy needs a break so I don't complain when he takes off to his studio moments after I get home. Even on the days when he hangs around for my sake, I tell him to go take a break, "I got this". I mean it...but I don't. It's kind of the equivalent of a woman saying, "Don't get me anything for Christmas"... You know that you better be opening SOMETHING on xmas. I know how it is to spend a whole day with a toddler who seems to have an unlimited supply of energy and the loudest superhero sound effects EVAH! I know how it is to just not be able to wait for someone to come home and rescue me from the non stop chatter and hearing myself constantly repeating the words, "no", "stop", "get out of there", "get off the dogs", "eat your food", "stop playing with your food", "I'm not going to tell you again", "this is the last time I am going to say it", "Oh my god, am I telling you the same thing AGAIN". I know this all too well and I only deal with my son, one on one, one or two days a week from like 10am-5pm. The hubby does this five days a week from 7am-6pm. More than wanting Daddy to stay and entertain the boy while I get dinner ready, I wish I could juggle my afterwork routine better. Keep the boy entertained, get dinner ready, clean up, relax. I know plenty of other woman do this. BUT HOW? I need some suggestions, stat!
I feel like there is no winding down. I go from talking to annoying customers and sometimes even more annoying co-workers, to my road rage filled drive home, knowing the whole drive home I have to get dinner ready and dishes washed. Sometimes hoping the little guy is sleeping so I can just get everything done without interruption. Please don't get me wrong, I love my life and my family. I love when I am walking up the stairs and I can hear him through the door - he hears me coming and he says to Daddy, "Here she comes!", all excited. It always puts a huge smile on my face. I love opening up the door and he runs over to me and hugs my legs. I know he missed me just as much as I missed him. I just wish I had some time in between getting home and getting dinner started to devote to unwinding and talking and playing with my son, no interruptions. Just chill time with my boy, nothing else on my mind, but what he is telling me. Maybe then, both of us would be calmer. He probably can't sit still and quiet down because this is the first time he has seen me all day long. He has a lot to tell me. So many things to show me. He needs to show me how he perfected his Spiderman jumps off the couch and his new and improved webs. And I truly want to see, hear and experience all of it, I just wish I had a way to brush off my stankadank attitude beforehand. How the hell do mom's with more than one young child do it? I might explode if that was my case, haha!
I'm not the only full time working mom, with road rage and a toddler, am I?