Monday, January 2, 2012

Boudoir Pics

I realize that this blog may appear to be all over the place.  But it really isn't.  Everything that I post is all part of my personal discovery and growth.  Whether it be about diet, exercise of lack there of, a new product I love, food and recipes. crafts, or just how I am feeling on a particular day.

We have been very productive fixing up our house over the past 4 days.  We had a leak in our bathroom that was destroying the downstairs tenants ceiling.  So our entire tub, shower and surround needed to be replaced.  Most importantly the leak is fixed but as a nice bonus we have a fresh clean brand new bathroom.  We have NEVER had a nice bathroom so this is uber exciting for us.  We bought a new shower curtain, bathmat, rug, a seagrass basket and some other cheap accessories to compliment and pretty up our new happy space.

We also FINALLY hung some shelves and photos in our bedroom.  We have lived here for almost a decade, hahaah!  I guess we never wanted to hang up a bunch of stuff and then maybe change our mind on placement.  Or it could be that our room is inundated with doors and windows and not ONE solid wall.  Our bedroom is approximately 14x16 and there are 3 windows and 4 doors all framed with large ornate woodwork.  Oh and a big ass radiator...  Or it could be that all of the walls in this house seem to be studless and I have a tendency to bang a bunch of holes in the wall that won't support a simple picture frame and then cover all the holes up with said frame once I finally land a stud.  These holes are discovered when we decide to paint the room and the frame is removed and I get the "frigging women" look from the Hubby and I give him my "I'm just a girl" look.  LOL!  Anyway, we finally decorated our bedroom.  I don't know if I ever mentioned before that my hubby is a musician, artist and beautiful photographer.  I had been wanting to take some sexy boudoir style photos.  I had looked into having some professionally done and the price was just way too much for me to justify.  I understand the cost of the shoot, but if I can't afford it I can't afford it. So I asked my hubby if he would like to take some boudoir pics of me.  He said, "of course" ;)  So I got to work thinking about exactly what I wanted out of my shoot.  Outfit, hair, makeup, pose, etc.  I wanted sexy but not trashy.  I wanted photos that wouldn't embarrass me if company saw them.  I wanted pics that boosted my self esteem.

In my mind, I was going to be fierce.  I was a sexy hell cat.  I was going to blow Hubby away with my sexiness.  I was going to blow MYSELF away when I saw these photos.  Bwahahahahaahah!  How wrong I was.  While I was getting ready, primping and adjusting and checking myself out in the mirror, my confidence was on high.  Making my pin-up pouty face and making sure my cleavage was just right.  Then when he came in with the camera, I was like a mousy little nerd... and not the sexy type.  I am THE WORST in front of the camera.  I historically hate my picture taken.  I used to hide under tables when I was kid when a camera would come out.  I warned him days before that I would need lots of direction.  I was trying to remember all of the instructions I had overheard Tyra Banks and Nigel Barker giving to models on America's Next Top Model over the years.  After looking at all the pics that he snapped of me, apparently the instructions that I heard in my head were, Austin Powers, "You're a tiger, baby, Grrrrrrr.  Now you're a lemur, be a lemur baby, yeah!"  All of the photos looked sort of the same. Either mad or confused or mad and confused.  Hahah!  I did not like any of them.  And it had nothing to do with my hubby's work ... it was the subject - ME!  Part of it was my lack of comfort in front of the camera, also knowing that one of my kids was going to bust into our room at any moment.  And as predicted our session was cut short by our 2 year old charging into our room that he had a bad dream.

So a few weeks later, I decided I needed to have a few drinks beforehand.  I stopped at the liquor store one Friday night and informed my man when I got home from work that we are trying again tonight.  I CAN DO THIS!  So after a bottle and a half of wine, I was ready.  I prepared the room with candles and fresh sheets, Let's get it on.  This go around, the pics came out much better.  I was happy with quite a few of them.  So happy that I decided I wanted to print some of them, frame them and hang them in our bedroom!  Because I am impatient, I took the memory card to Walmart and printed some 8x10's and 5x7's.  This was the most nerve wracking experience EVER!!  First of all, I never see anyone I know in Walmart, but on this day, I bumped into FIVE people that I know.  I make it to the photo printing kiosk and I chose the one that I thought was most private.  I had never used these machines before.  Just so you know...there are not private whatsoever.  haha!  Once it loads your memory card, WITHOUT WARNING, all of your photos appear VERY LARGE on the screen.  I was not naked in this pics, but these weren't just pics taken with my kids at a park, haha!  I could feel how red my face was.  I just knew that someone was going to walk up behind me...even worse it would be someone I knew.  I would much rather it be a total stranger.  With lightening quick speed I chose the photos to print.  Then I sat there and waited and worried while they took forever to print.  It told me they should print within 2 minutes.  10 minutes later I am still standing there waiting.  A man who worked there came over a few times and asked me if I needed any help.  HELL NO, GET AWAY!!  Finally they printed.  I rushed and shoved them into an envelope and made my way to the front to check out and pay.  I got home and realized that I ordered and paid for four 8x10's but only had three.  AAAARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  OMG!  I can only assume that the damn machine ran out of photo paper and when it was refilled that this last scandalous pic of me is going to print out.  I was strangely comforted by the fact that the missing pic did not contain my face.

I framed the pics and my honey and I admired our handiwork.  We did good!  haha!  I am not a hot little mama.  I have lots of weight to lose and lots of scars and physical flaws.  I am self conscience about certain parts of my body, but Hubby is aware of how I feel and made me look good.  It is all about angles and lighting.  And he has a great eye.   Booze definitely helped me relax and gave me the balls to be a little more daring/sexy.  I love the photos.  I look at them and say DAYUM, I look GOOD!  They were a definite self esteem booster and confidence lifter.  No matter what your size or what you look like, everyone is beautiful and I highly recommend that every woman has a beautiful photo of themselves in their possession.  Whether it be a daring boudoir photo or just a random casual shot.  Being able to look a picture of yourself and not have any complaints or condescending things to say about yourself is empowering.

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