Thursday, January 19, 2012

Don't fuel the beast!

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back person.  Most people who REALLY know me, know that I tend not to get too worked up over much.  I'm usually a "let the chips fall as they may" type of person.  Sure I bitch about work, EVERYDAY of my life.  I feel under compensated and under appreciated.  But really, who doesn't?  I complain about driving and people on the road, because I do have a road rage problem.  And sometimes the combo of a hellish day at work and the almost hour long, curse filled, bird flipping, commute home is enough to make me want to wrap my car around a telephone pole.  Nothing ever goes my way, I have to make more phone calls and send more emails to customer service for almost every utility and service I subscribe to.  (example:  When I was 5 months pregnant, I was pulled over for nothing on my way to work one day.  After giving the officer my license and registration, he comes back and tells me that he is very sorry but my car will have to be towed for lack of registration.  I said, No my car is definitely registered.  He asked if I possibly didn't pay my insurance and they cancelled my registration.  I told him no, the payment comes out of my checking account automatically every month, there must be some error.  He checks again and comes back and tells me the same thing.  So my car gets towed.  The nice officer gave me a ride to work in the back of his cruiser and dropped me off away from the front door as to not embarrass me.  So I get in and immediately get on the phone with Progressive, who I had changed over to about 4 months earlier.  Come to find out, since Progressive was new to Massachusetts, they didn't know they had to file a particular form with the DMV for my policy.  So since the DMV never received said form, they cancelled my registration.  I never received anything from the DMV saying the registration was cancelled.  Oh wait!!  In the mean time, while on the work phone with Progressive, my husband calls me to tell me that our checking account is overdrawn.  I said, it shouldn't be.  We had "x" amount in there yesterday.  He starts rattling off all of these charges.  I go online and check the account and find that someone has stolen my debit card number and went on a little shopping spree for clothes, shoes and even an membership.  So now I have NO damn money and my car was towed and I have no funds to get it out.  But before I can even worry about the money, I need Progressive to file whatever form with the DMV to reinstate my registration.  Then make calls to the bank to alert them of the fraudulent activity.  I ended up having to borrow money from my mother in law and taking time off from work, yadda yadda yadda.  No one would own up to being responsible, Progressive blamed the DMV and the DMV blamed Progressive and I got totally screwed.  I suppose if I had the energy I could've fought both the insurance company and the DMV, because they both screwed up.  And as I type this I am thinking that Progressive should've credited me for the 4 months of insurance I paid for but I obviously wasn't really covered.  But I had so much on my mind.  How were we going to survive with ZERO dollars until payday over a week away?  I was vigilantly watching my bank account for more fraudulent charges.  Making arrangements with my bills that are on auto pay, since I had no money to pay them.  It was a nightmare of a situation.  But seriously, this is how it typically goes for us, haha!  When it rains there is a shitstorm.   Even though I have the worst luck EVER, I am thankful for all that I have and I know that I have nothing to be pissy about.

I know from my many trials and tribulations throughout my life that the majority of stuff that stresses me out is usually nothing.  It is momentary stress.  Here now, gone later.  I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and I find comedy in almost everything.  I suppose I should be ashamed of some of the things I find hysterical, but like Popeye - I ams what I am.  Haha!  If I didn't laugh so much I would probably hurt someone.  I COMPLAIN - a lot, but it isn't really complaining.  It is simply ranting about things that I find absurd.  Maybe something to spark a little convo on Facebook with my fellow cynics.  Not anything that keeps me up at night stressing.  How is my tossing and turning all night long, losing sleep going to change something that happened earlier?  It's NOT!  In my opinion, if the things I have gone though in my life have not pushed me over the edge I'm pretty sure nothing will.  I have dealt with losing my father at the age of 7, other childhood trauma (I will not get into now or possibly ever), domestic violence, single parenthood, deranged deadbeat dad, cheating boyfriends, financial woes, botched surgery, depression, extended hospitalization (in another country away from my family), talks of possible amputation, lengthy rehabilitation, runaway troubled teen, blah blah...shall I go on?!  Anyway, I try my hardest to stay light about most things in life. I try not to get too worked up over anything negative.  I believe that when you react to negativity you are just fueling the beast.

I would be a lie if I told you I somehow magically deflect stressful situation from my life.  I do get mad.  Sometimes I am pretty sure steam shoots out of my ears and flames from my eye sockets.  But I don't let it ruin my entire day or life.  I have a pretty awesome skill of only directing my anger, hostility and/or bitchiness on those that caused the attitude to begin with.  I am perfectly normal with everyone else.  Why should they feel my wrath??  But in general, even the person who stressed me out will only see me stressed THAT day.  I refuse to dwell on the petty BS on my own time.  I have so little time with my family and even less to myself.  I'll be damned if I spend that time harboring ill feelings and emotions from some ass from earlier in the day.  As far as I am concerned, it's over and done with.  I'm not thinking about it anymore.  I am enjoying my time, right here in the now, and tomorrow is another day.

I do not have all the answers and I hope I don't come across as sounding like I think I do.  I just hear so many of my friends talk about how stressed they are all the time and most of them have very minimal things to be stressed about.  I know that everyone handles stress in their own way, but I often feel that their lives are a walk in the park in comparison to mine.  I just want to tell everyone to get over it.  Have a glass of wine, hug your kids, make love to your husband (great stress reliever!), write in a journal, call a friend, but most importantly GET OVER IT!!!  CHEER UP, BUTTERCUP, LIFE GOES ON AND TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER IF YOU ALLOW IT TO BE :)

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